I lost my virginity with my best pal's brother – should I tell her?
DEAR DEIDRE: I GAVE my virginity to my best friend’s older brother and I don’t know whether to tell her.
My friend and I are both 18 and we’re at sixth-form college together. We’ve been friends since primary school, and tell each other everything.
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Her older brother used to behave like any other — he just teased his little sister and saw her and her friends as too childish to bother with. He is 22.
But he graduated in the summer and has found it hard to get a job in London, which is what he wants.
He has been stuck at home, so a couple of times he’s hung out with us and our group of friends from school.
When the pubs opened again most of us met up to celebrate.
My friend didn’t come as she’d promised to babysit for her cousin and her mum wouldn’t let her cancel.
It was great to be out again and most of us had quite a bit to drink.
My friend’s brother and I were wasted and he said he’d walk me home.
We were both staggering around and laughing a lot.
We fell into a hedge with him half on top of me and he kissed me.
It felt sensational and I kissed him back.
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When we got to my home, I took him round to the summer house.
Our house was all dark so I assumed my parents were already asleep.
He couldn’t keep his hands off me, and we ended up having sex.
It felt great, even though it was my first time.
He was very caring and had a condom with him.
He has a bit of a reputation but maybe it was good having my first time with someone experienced.
We agreed we wouldn’t tell anyone but he keeps sending me flirty messages.
I don’t know whether to shut him down or go along with it.
I’m longing to tell my best friend so we can talk about it, but I asked him and he said not to.
He doesn’t want his sister knowing his business.
In a way it’s exciting having this secret, but on the other hand I feel guilty about deceiving her.
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t get drawn into a secret relationship.
Is this what you really want?
Plus, you’re likely to get hurt and look bad.
Tell your friend’s brother that you may both have got carried away, but that any future relationship has to be out in the open.
He may be taking this experience a lot less seriously than you are.
If you want to tell your friend you had sex, that is up to you and he has no right of veto.
Although it’s hard to predict how she’ll react – she may be jealous and upset.
Remember, having sex of course risked transmitting coronavirus.
In any case it’s best to save sex for a partner you know really cares for you and you for him.
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