I'm having the best sex ever with an ex-colleague because my boyfriend is boring in bed

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having the best sex ever with an old workmate but it will only ever be physical.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend loves me deeply but he’s so boring in the bedroom.

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for a year. He wants a long-term relationship and I thought I did too but now this other guy is on my mind.

I used to work with the man in question, who is 26. We flirted a lot at work but I knew he had a reputation as a player.

My boyfriend is involved in ­professional sport and had to go into a Covid bubble for a month for his work.

This meant I couldn’t see him at all and I felt very lonely after a couple of weeks.

So I contacted this other guy for a chat even though I knew he would suggest we meet up. We did, and of course we had sex.


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There’s a chemistry that is like fireworks whenever we meet. We had sex a couple more times but now I want more from him.

I know my boyfriend loves me to pieces, but when it comes to making love I am bored with him.

Everyone in my family likes my boyfriend, though. He is a lovely man but I have to admit I used to like him much more than I do now. I feel way down his list of priorities these days.

I know what I share with this other guy will never come to ­anything and he has been frank and told me already that he just wants to be friends.

To be honest, I know we both used one another for sex, and I feel disgusted with myself for betraying my boyfriend like this. And yet I can’t stop thinking about the other guy.

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DEIDRE SAYS: At least your lover has been honest with you – and please do believe him when he says that you and he are not going to be more than just friends with benefits.

He’s not going to make you happy long-term and you shouldn’t be having sex with him anyway while coronavirus is still a very real risk.

Stop hooking up and instead focus on your relationship with your lovely boyfriend.

It can be tough on partners left outside a bubble, but remember this isn’t what he planned his work life to be like. The virus is not your boyfriend’s fault.

While he’s away share sexy moments via Zoom or FaceTime. And when he’s home, take the lead in introducing more thrills into your sex life.

You know what you like so show him where and how you like to be touched.

My e-leaflet on Thrilling A Woman In Bed can help.

Talk to him but present the problem as belonging to you both, rather than blaming him for being ­boring.

If you make the effort then ­realise your boyfriend really isn’t right for you, it would be fairer to break up with him now than cheat.

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