Man branded ‘toxic’ for refusing to bow for fiancée’s parents in greeting
A bloke was slammed for refusing to greet his fiancee’s grandparents in her traditional cultural manner because it was “emasculating”.
His attempt to get sympathy backfired as Reddit users called him out on his decision.
The anonymous man shared his story on the “Am I the A**hole” sub-forum where he said he refused to bow to his wife-to-be’s family.
He wrote: “My fiancee is Korean-American, and I'm American.
“We've met each other parents before, and she's met my grandparents, but I've yet to meet her grandparents because they live in Korea.”
Who do you think was in the right? Tell us in the comments…
The couple were planning to visit Korea when the pandemic was over so that he could meet his fiancee’s grandparents.
However, she asked him to observe a cultural norm when greeting them which could spell the end of their relationship.
He explained: “She's asking me to bow to her grandparents when we meet, since respecting the elders is a big deal in Korean culture.
“Not just like a causal dip, like a full-on 90-degree bow.
“I said I'd rather not since I found it emasculating and that I just don't bow to anyone.”
She argued that it was important to her and her culture, but he stubbornly refused.
He said: “I just think it's hypocritical to expect me to bow to her grandparents when she didn't bow to mine.
“Her grandparents aren't my superior just because of their age, why should I have to bow?”
“She said it was just one tiny thing I could do to earn their respect, but I said that if it was so tiny, it should be fine if I don't do it.
“I respect myself and that's why I'm not going to bow, and she was just going to have to respect my decision.
“She thinks I'm an a**hole for that, [am I]?”
The thread unanimously agreed that, yes, he was.
One person said: “You're emasculating yourself by being hung up on what's ‘manly’.
“It's FAR more gentlemanly to show cultural respect.”
“My eyebrows are in my hairline,” added a shocked poster.
“Someone drank the toxic-masculinity-koolaid.”
And, others said that he seemed to have a sense of “cultural superiority”.
A reader explained: “She didn't bow to your grandparents because in American culture that's not a thing.
“Your whole attitude shines of some sort of tunnel-visioned xenophobic refusal to accept that customs other than your own exist at all.
“You're not defending your dignity, you're broadcasting your ignorance.”
“Yeah, I read that and saw a red flag on covert racism immediately,” another wrote.
“The OP also hasn't taken the time to understand his fiancée's culture and heritage and quickly steamrolls her request.”
Yikes! Not the right move, mate
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