My husband is only nice to me and our children when he’s been drinking

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is only nice to me and our children when he’s been drinking. When he’s sober, he never smiles or pays attention to us.

He drinks most days and becomes more and more miserable if he hasn’t had one. All he wants to do is go drinking with his mates.

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I am 33 and my husband is 35. We’ve been married for 12 years and have two boys aged six and eight. 

I feel so unwanted and unattractive. We only have sex when he’s been drinking. Even then I always have to make the first move.

I’ve tried talking to him but he just ignores me. It’s tearing us apart.

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like an unhappy home for you all – and especially damaging for your children. He is setting them such a terrible example and they will grow up feeling he puts alcohol first.

Talk to him when he’s sober. Insist his drinking is at problem levels and he must find help to stop.

My e-leaflet Dealing With A Problem Drinker will help you stay firm and you can find support through Adfam which helps those affected by someone else’s drinking (

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