Reddit's Latest Baby Name Drama Has Us Wondering Who Lives in a Pineapple Under The Sea
We seriously hope you had a blissful baby-naming experience without bumps in the road, but honestly, we don’t even know if that situation exists. Naming a baby is a very touchy subject. And we mean very touchy. What should be a somewhat seamless conversation for the parent(s) often becomes a whole ordeal with unwarranted and unhelpful input from outsiders. And we would set the record straight that no one gets to call “dibs” on a name (even if that means giving up your Frozen baby-naming plan), but it’s not even worth our breath. We have no doubt the ” No, it’s my name” fight will pop up on the Reddit “Am I The A—hole” thread again tomorrow.
For now, we are dealing with a situation we haven’t really seen before. It’s an ordeal about order. After having two daughters, one couple on Reddit is “finally” expecting a boy. And so, they say, it’s their chance to name someone after the dad. It’s their chance to have a “Junior.”
Having a Junior (and so on) is a common practice in a lot of families with the gist being that you take the dad’s name, slap “Jr.” on the end, and voilà! Your son’s name is waiting for you on a similar silver platter. Easier enough, right? Well, that’s not quite the case for this couple.
“A cultural difference has put a wedge between us,” the wife wrote in her original post.
This situation can seem convoluted at the outset, so the OP put on her eyepatch and pirate hat and brought us on an undersea adventure, using SpongeBob SquarePants characters to explain what’s going on with naming her son.
In her culture, when naming a baby, the wife’s last name goes before the husband’s last name. So, she explained, if Squidward Tentacles and Sandy Cheeks had a kid named after him, the name would be Squidward Cheeks Tentacles.
Are you following? Husband’s name, then wife’s maiden name, then husband’s last name, no junior.
Her husband, though, wants their son to have his name plus Junior. So if her husband is SpongeBob SquarePants, the son’s name would be SpongeBob SquarePants Jr.
This wife thinks a nice compromise would be continuing her family’s tradition of keeping the maiden name, and then they would add Junior to honor her husband’s traditions. So, if she is Patrick Star in this situation, her son’s name would be SpongeBob Star SquarePants Jr.
Still with me? Still in a pineapple under the sea? Could that thing even fit a family of five? Please say yes because we don’t know if this family can settle on a name, much less a whole new house.
“[My husband] is absolutely furious at this, and is saying that I’m trying to rob him of his birth certificate matching his son’s,” she wrote. “[Saying] that if I add my family’s name, our son won’t be a true Jr.”
A “true” junior? Give it a break, Dad. Mom made a fair point that the kid will most commonly be referred to as SpongeBob SquarePants Jr. anyway, so what’s the big deal?
“How often is this dude pulling out his birth certificate and admiring it?” one Redditor asked. “Is he going to frame his and his son’s certificates and hang them side-by-side?”
Red Flag Alert
Obviously, there’s a lot that’s concerning here. Before we get into what the dad has done wrong (spoiler alert: the internet thinks he’s the a—hole), let’s talk about what’s concerning about this mom. Right out of the gate, OP said she is “finally having a boy,” and you better believe Redditors were not cool with this “at long last” bullsh*t.
OP edited her post to say, “When I say ‘finally having a boy’ it’s because we had two girls. If we already had two boys, I’d ‘finally be having a girl.’ I don’t think it’s odd to want to experience having both.” Odd or not, the wording is definitely giving people the ick.
And then there’s this dad. His behavior “IS a red flag.”
“Your husband is telling you that the son is more important than his daughters by wanting his son to be his ‘mini-me.’ Your compromise is extremely valid and then ALL the kids’ names would be matching which should be important to all parents.”
Big Plankton Energy
We are rolling our eyes so hard at this “furious” dad’s dramatic language. He’s being “robbed?” Boo-freakin-hoo.
“The male fragility here is a bit much,” one Redditor said. “Dude is getting 90% of what he wants and being pouty that his wife is asking for a 10% compromise. But anything less than getting 100% of what he wants is robbery? He is in a relationship and the balance should really be closer to 50/50.”
A House Divided
This whole thing is a major FU to the daughters of the family. They are named “Sarah” Star SquarePants and “Susie” Star SquarePants, and now they’re going to have a sibling sans Star.
Redditors see this as a clear display of favoritism. This couple has already established the tradition of “Star Squarepants,” so for dad to suddenly put up a fight that their son can’t have “Star” in his name is disrespectful at best. And how is he going to explain the difference if one of his kids asks? Redditors aren’t satisfied with this “true jr.” sh*t and the kids won’t be either.
“I think you are also right to consider the effects of the children having different names,” one commenter said. “Will the son feel alienated from his mom because he’s the only one without her name? Will the daughters feel lesser because Daddy seemingly had SO much more investment in the son’s name than in theirs?”
“If he didn’t care [about using Star] with his daughters, he has no leg to stand on making it a thing with his son,” another said. “Favoritism in your children is gross, and it’s extra gross when done based on their gender.”
It’s Just A Pain In The A**
Ethical reasons for including Star aside, Redditors said it’s a logistical nightmare to have the same exact name as someone else. And we know it’s not totally the point here, but it certainly struck a nerve with a lot of Juniors.
“As a ‘Fake Jr.’ (Same first name, last name, and middle initial), I hate the confusion that comes from it,” one person said. “I cannot get rid of a credit card on my report, even though it says that it was issued six years before I was born. And my father has been gone for eight years now.”
“Matching certificates is extremely dumb especially when institutions require a boatload of authenticated documents just to prove that your son is not his father because the names are exactly the same,” another person pointed out.
And just as a reminder, even if it can get messy, it’s fine to have juniors in a family! A lot of people really value that tradition. It’s just really weird and upsetting that this man’s family doesn’t have that tradition, he was happy to name his daughters “Star SquarePants,” and now he’s suddenly so rigid with his son. And Dad should remember that it’s not only his wife and daughters who could become resentful but his son too.
“FYI my brother is a third, and my dad is a Junior,” one user wrote. “My brother has always said that the tradition will die with him. He hated being a part of a legacy and not being considered his ‘own person.’ I understand people wanting to do this, but you’re not robbing him of everything. He just told you his connection to his son is more important than his connection to your daughters…Connections to both parents are equally important.”
What’s In A Name?
A whole lotta nothin’ if that’s all this Dad is banking on. The father-son “special connection” should have nothing to do with matching names, and they should be valued as much as the special connections between parents and kids of any sex and gender.
“Fathers and sons don’t automatically have a ‘special bond,’” one Redditor wrote. “These are achieved by having a good supportive relationship with your child and do not come about just because you share a gender.”
A Taste Of His Own Medicine
One of Redditors’ favorite past times is devising revenge plans, and we are so here for the genius pettiness.
“Tell your husband that if he wants to do this, you need to make it fair by renaming one or both of your daughters to be a ‘true jr’ and remove his surname,” one person suggested. “See how he likes his weird sexist tradition then.”
“If he wants a true Jr, he can change his name [to Star SquarePants] to match,” another said. “Now everybody wins!”
So Who Lives In The Pineapple?
Unfortunately, will still don’t know if this kid will be a “Star SquarePants.” What we do know is we loved that OP explained the situation this way.
“NTA, and definitely NTA for using the Spongebob character names,” one appreciative person said. “Best post I’ve read tonight lol.” Same!
“And thank you for the spongebobby-ness of this post,” another said, using our new favorite adjective. “It made me chuckle.”
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